why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The air was thick with penises
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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