I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
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is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
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I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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