Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
