Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
