There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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