Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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