you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
