So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
