i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
