i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize
