thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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