Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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