see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
