Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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