do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Can you bring me the toilet please
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
