This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
