Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
