can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
