just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
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it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
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You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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