Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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