that's an acceptable place to lick
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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