.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
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We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
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show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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