dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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