Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
