Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
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Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
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She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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