you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
