I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
