sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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