I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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