just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
