Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
