Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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