Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
