this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
