I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
