Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
