So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
