I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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