there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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