My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
