Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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