We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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