This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
