Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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