Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
