i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
