So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
