I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
