I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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