"it" just moved
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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