what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
