its not stalking. its research.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
