I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
