i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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