Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize