Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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