It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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