You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
