Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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