Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
