your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
