Girls should come with a carfax report
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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