college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
