ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
