i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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