yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
