just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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