somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
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The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
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On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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