C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Pants are for mortals
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
