Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
