Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
