yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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