how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
