Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
