my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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