I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
