In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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