apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
