You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
