In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
