Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
