you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
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I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
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Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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