I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
